The new BMW 760s hits the road

Well, BMW thinks it is appropriate to launch its new top-of-the-line luxury cruiser 760, and Automoblog is also considering it. These things are more bells and whistles than the clown’s item box, from here to there are as fast as a passenger train, and can carry four people very comfortably (five people in a pinch). And BMW has reduced the appearance of Dame Edna/Chris Bangle to a less scary level.

Let’s get the cars styling out of the way first.

I’ll put it this way: If BMWs were better looking cars, I’d like them a LOT more than I do. They’re quick and reliable and have a Teutonic efficiency that makes them very enviable rides. However, they look like they’ve been styled by Stevie Wonder. As much as I’d like to say I’m going to spend my Lotto wining fantasy dollars on a BMW wagon as the practical car, I just can’t and it’s all down to styling.

They look like they’ve been rear-ended by a cab-over semi, and the headlight treatment looks like my Aunt Marge’s glasses. This is all due to the influence of the now-departed Chris Bangle, and slowly, slowly, they styling is calming down and becoming less jarring and nausea inducing.

Anyway, the real fun of a BMW is in the driving, and it looks like the new 760i and 760iL should give you a good experience in that area.

Both the standard and the long versions of the 760 get the same plant. In this case a Twin Turbo V12 gasoline mill that displaces 5.9 liters and cranks out 544 hp at 5,250 rpm and has 553 lb-ft of Max torque starting at a low 1,500. That’s enough in the engine room to move a car this heavy from 0-100 km/h in 4.6 seconds and top out at a speed limited 155 mph. The average fuel consumption on the EU standard is 21.9 mpg, but that’s on imperial gallons. The longer, and heavier iL variant gets a little less in the MPG department.

Both of the 760s come with a brand-new eight-speed transmission. The new tranny offers additional gears while maintaining the dimensions and weight of a conventional BMW six-speed automatic.

Styling features include 19-inch light-alloy wheels, the V12 model designation on the chrome-plated gill elements, an additional chrome bar at the rear as well as twin rectangular tailpipes. There’s also stainless-steel entry trim with an illuminated V12 model designation, the instrument panel is finished in nappa leather and highlighted by elegant stitching, there’s alcantara roof lining and sun visors and high-quality burr walnut interior trim.

The BMW luxo-barge also features four-zone automatic air conditioning, the BMW Professional navigation system, comfort seats, Park Distance Control and Automatic Soft Close on the doors.

But wait, there’s more! There’s also optional doo-dads like the multi-channel audio system, a DAB double tuner, a DVD system at the rear, an additional iDrive Controller serving to run the entertainment, telecommunication and navigation functions from the rear seats, active seat ventilation, massage seats as well as the contoured sliding roof optimized for excellent noise control and highly attractive design.

About this is where I will include the company’s press release, but BMW thinks the new 760 is worth an amazing 22-thousand words. I like you guys too much to impose it on you.