Surviving Friday the 13th Autobot style

Yes. . .its . .. Friday the 13th! ! ! !

Most likely, today will be the worst day of your life. Everything bad that could possibly happen to you will . . . and then some.

You will be late, spill coffee, get stuck in an elevator, miss your client meeting, get a rejection letter, lose your keys, get jammed in traffic, receive a flat tire in that traffic, drop your phone down the toilet, find out your significant other wants “to talk” later, learn you are deficient in most nutrients and have to go, unexpectedly, to the DMV, through a flood of zombies.

That will just be the first half of the day . . .

Yet, with the right automobile, the devices commonly associated with bad luck on Friday the 13th are nothing more than mere wives’ tales; ludicrous half truths promptly shut down because of the right set of keys. When encountering these common symbols of disaster on Friday the 13th, here are the vehicles to consider . . .

BLACK CATS

LADDERS

BLACK CATS

Never trust anything that seeks attention then makes you the bad guy when obliging. A horde of midnight shaded felines crowding the road is enough to ensure panic and perspiration in even the most seasoned driver. They thought the cows were bad in O Brother, Where Are Thou? but that’s nothing compared to an army of kitties.

With one of these vehicles, it won’t matter how many black cats try and cross your path. You can easily swerve around them, effectively leaving bad luck and all its ill effects in the rear-view mirror.

Ford Mustang Laguna SecaChevrolet Corvette Z06Nissan GT-R BWM M3Porsche Boxster S

Porsche Active Suspension Management gives a driver a customized damping force depending on the road ahead. Between the Normal and Sport modes, avoiding black cats on Friday the 13th will be a piece of cake.

LADDERS

Similar to black cats, ladders pop out of nowhere on Friday the 13th. I make a point not to paint houses on Friday the 13th or shingle a roof. I also forgo watching pro wrestling. Never know when a ladder match might pop up.

These ladders look serene and peaceful. Some might even say abstract as they give a reflective gaze, latte in hand next to their artsy fartsy boyfriend or girlfriend. Well don’t believe it! This is actually a mug shot. These ladders have killed! The one in the middle is the leader.

Well it’s time to knock ladders down . . . wait for it . . . a rung or two. HA! Get it? When I encounter ladders on Friday the 13th, I simply drive right through them. I laugh at their pathetic wooden construction and if a broken rung flies across my windshield, I hit the wipers and keep on truckin’ like I have never trucked before.

When ladders pop out in front of you, consider one of these vehicles to mow them down . . .

Land Rover DefenderDartz Prombon MonacoParamount MarauderHumvee Oldsmobile Delta 88

Battlefield ready and ballistic resistant, the Paramount Marauder makes its own luck on Friday the 13th. Forget walking under ladders – more like driving over them.

The Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in North Carolina estimates about 17 million people fear Friday the 13th but having one of the vehicles above removes you from that statistic. In truth, no matter what you drive, today probably won’t be that bad. And there is little, if any, credible evidence 13 is an unlucky or terrifying number anyway.

So enjoy the day . . .

THAT’s what she meant when she said “baby, we need to talk.”

Tell us your worst Friday the 13th story or give us more car recommendations for surviving the day here!

Boxter Photo Credit: Porsche Cars North AmericaMarauder Photo Credit: Paramount Group

Disclaimer: I actually had a bad day. Cheer me up: [email protection]